Galley mishaps and galley wonders

Friday 4 December – 15.05 GMT (13.05 boat time)
15.52N 48.29W – 729 nm to go – 6.6 knots

Stewart is not only the Granddady of Star Chaser’s Crew, he is also our Chief Chomper. He reminds me of our Springer Spaniel who feigns totals deafness when asked to retrieve a ball from the pond (or washing up in Stewart’s case!) but they can both hear the rustle of a packet of biscuits 100 feet away. Stewart has even been known to break into a run across the 4 feet of the saloon so that he does not miss the event.

Imagine therefore dear land based reader our surprise when Stewart offered to fry up some eggs for us this morning for breakfast – a surprise heightened by the fact that until now, Stewart didn’t seem to be very much at home in our kitchen, even though he recently decided to pay for a new kitchen at home rather than repay GB’s debts (that’s either Gordon Brown or Great Britain’s), he’s coy as to the exact cost but trillions have been rumoured!

So, Stewart enters the Galley (kitchen to you landbound folk) with all the enthusiasm of a 6 year old for whom Father Xmas has just come early & proceeds to place the eggs in Star Chaser’s very up market gourmet frying pan, when the fat begins to spatter his Hawaiian Shorts & legs. This is not the culinary pleasure he had been expecting on his first ever encounter with a gas stove so he immediately placed a Stainless Steel Saucepan lid into the Frying pan.

Now, on this ship scientific opinion is divided as to exactly what happened next; some say that a vacuum was created that drew the lid into the frying pan, others point out that over a roaring flame this is highly unlikely, others of an altogether higher life form than Stewart or the ever hopeful eater of the egg were of the opinion that the coefficient expansion rate of stainless steel exceeds that of cast iron by a factor of + or – 10!

Either way the result were eggs getting more well done by the minute under a saucepan lid that resolutely refused to budge & I do mean budge; winch handles, screw drivers, bad, Very Bad language all failed to persuade the lid to let go of the frying pan.

Now those of you who know our beloved skipper (I refer to him thus as we still have 750.2756 miles to go) know also he will spare NO expense to provide crew comfort & sustenance so he fetched the ship’s Hammer, et voila: Stewart the cook held the pan, your humble hungry scribe the saucepan lid & Captain Boogie the hammer. The first ringing blow nothing, the second & the lid came free to reveal a very well done egg. Being mid Atlantic we’re not fussy about our eggs.

The crew of Star Chaser have much sympathy with Mrs Stewart & her desire to protect her new kitchen. Stewart retreated from his culinary career & went to clean the forward heads (bogs to non sailors), armed I may say with one duster & a very small quantity of very diluted disinfectant. That was several hours ago & he has yet to emerge to face the world’s Press

The Egg Eater